Oh Francis…may I call you Francis? Thank you. So I would just like to say that I hate you for ruining my nap time workouts. I tell myself one episode, but you and your no-pattern-wearing wife have lured me in with your lying, scheming, meat-throwing ways. Now now, Francis, let me finish my thought. Wait. Maybe I shouldn’t…
Anyway, let’s just say that I am given 18 seconds to decide on whether or not to watch the next episode, but I take only 3 to click the button. Perhaps it is your southern charm? Or your ability to make murder look as easy as tying a tie? No. I believe it is because I am one of the few you never lie to. I am the only one who gets to see all you do, and yet I never want to look away. You are honest with me, and I appreciate it coming from a politician such as yourself.
So I blame you for the lack of shrinkage in my thighs, but thank you for inviting me into your twisted life and neutral-painted townhouse. Tell me, do your Pottery Barn Latte walls help you forget and get to sleep at night? Is the color dark enough to hide all of your secrets? Please. Don’t answer that. Some answers should remain buried (pun intended). I am only on episode 7, and I cannot wait to see what you do next. Goodbye, Francis. Say hello to your lovely wife.
Oh, and you may want to call my husband and say thank you. He was part of the Season 2 camera crew. Without him, you really wouldn’t exist.